maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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