forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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