first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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