he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
