OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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