this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
