you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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