My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
