I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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