i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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