Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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