Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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