Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
