update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
