it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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