Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
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