Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
