There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
