So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
