I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
