I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
