and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I need moral support for this bender
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
