I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
