I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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