theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
