I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
