We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
