i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize