She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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