My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
