No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
