You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
