tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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