Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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