Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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