I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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