Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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