He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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