I met the friendliest cop last night
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
