So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
