His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
