making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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