i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
