Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
