I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I looked at my own cervix.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
