Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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