I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
