Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
