Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
