If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
