She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
