so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
