apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
