i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Randomize
