I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
