Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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