Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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