Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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