We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
