I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
