why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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