that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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