Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
