Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
