It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize