my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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