Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
