I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
