I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
