remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
