I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
