i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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