Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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