Three words: puerto rican gang bang
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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