Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
