The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
